life is not all good. it's being destroyed by industrial civilization. as warren hern termed us, homo ecophagus. as derrick jensen wrote, we're turning a living planet into a dead pile of money.
sheeple r flocking crazystupid ignorant. even sheeple like me. my lack of activism, not knowing what can effectively be done, not knowing what to do, how to confront and overcome it. i've failed to attract any followers/supporters. i've succeeded at alienation and isolating myself. it's very discouraging.
nobody notices or cares and nothing i can do about it. only act like i too am stupidcrazyignorant.
i don't want to be a quixotic hero/martyr. is it to be my fate? have i any choice? (i don't)
i'm not. but i'm not happy with what i am. or what this world is. not happy with god if it exists. what sort of screwball universe/life is this? does god have a sick sadistic sense of humor? or is it simply inscrutable and utterly indifferent towards us? is life some meaningless much-to-do about nothing? what will any of this matter billions of years from now when we're dead and long forgotten?
i'm obsessed with this quandary. what to do with the rest of my life and knowledge. i need to try and share it. for myself and life on earth. but i'm not trying very hard or having any success. i too am stupidcrazyignorant. if god exists, i assume it's it's will. with such a god, who needs a devil?
sigh
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