"happiness is when one's thoughts, expressions, and behavior are all in sync" this is paraphrased and attributable to mahatma gandhi, according to something i just read. regardless of it's authenticity, which i'm not bothering to try to check, it resonates as true to me, for it describes a state of being quite opposite to what i'm accustomed and have been accustomed to for as long as memory serves. that is, not being repressed.
i saw a young woman today. i say woman because by my definition that's what she was, as she was clearly post pubescent. however upon close examination i doubt if she would qualify by current american socially and legally acceptable definitions of adulthood. even though i didn't get a good look at her face, i could tell she was very pretty. long dark hair. she was relatively tall, nearly 170 cm,. wore tight pants which accentuated very slender legs and a firm little jutting ass. she was with an older woman, perhaps her mother. she was probably about 15 years old. i wanted very much to meet her, but of course, being repressed thanks to living in a very repressive society, particularly with regards to teen age sexuality and being attracted to "jail bait", i did no such thing.
such events as this have been happening to me since i myself was a teenager nearly a half century ago. countless thousands of times.
i think repression is what "conservatives" think of and refer to as "morality". although i can't speak directly for others. i consider it to be the chief cause of unhappiness among sheeple. it certainly is for me, for it's the reason there's such a deep divide between, what i think and desire, and what i allow myself to express and how i allow myself to behave publicly. in my youth i wasn't as articulate or understanding of this phenomenon as i am now, although deep down i was no doubt just as resentful and unhappy about it.
i think what makes my world especially dystopian is the view that unlike me, most sheeple embrace repression, or "morality", as just an aspect of their lives, not to be questioned or resisted. some even embrace it with apparent relish, those more inclined to puritanical dogmatism, a.k.a. "conservatives", fascists, or authoritarians.
i yearn for a world without repression or "morality". i think such a world is possible, and indeed existed before civilization came along and fucked everything up. i write this because of things i've read contrasting "primitive" cultures with civilized ones.
it's too bad that the coming collapse will likely result in human extinction, for it would be nice to be able to return to a time when people weren't sheeple, there were no laws to be obeyed, no "authorities" to fear, and no "morality" to repress.
