Peter Joseph And Zeitgeist

i wrote when i began this blog that i would rely heavily on the work of others to articulate and expand upon my own views, as a means of transcending some of my own limitations.

peter joseph is a brilliant independent film maker and author. i thought for sure i'd already posted links to some of his work previously here, but apparently i haven't.

the link below is to a youtube video of him talking about his views, how they developed and how his first documentary film, zeitgeist, came to be. it's 50 minutes long and excellent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIinwXB1IqI

he made a series of 3 zeitgeist films. these are apparently no longer available for download on youtube. however, fragments of them are. this link is the beginning of the first zeitgeist movie segment that dealt with the topic of dogmatic religion, focusing on christianity and it's origins:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzMqlsAGL14&t=349s

Doctor My Eyes

lately, whenever i hear the jackson browne song doctor my eyes a particular lyric strikes me:

doctor, my eyes... was i unwise to keep them open for so long?

keeping one's eyes open here being a metaphor for perceiving surreality and in my case continually seeking knowledge which is ultimately unwieldy, burdensome, and permanent.

i've become very reclusive perhaps largely due to what i've learned about nature, humanity. become very disillusioned. learned there is no free will or benevolent god. that life can be a curse as well as a blessing. it's generally a mixed bag, perhaps leaning towards cursed. that civilization is ecocidal, a cancer upon the web of life. that in the process of domesticating other species we domesticated ourselves, which has been both a blessing and a curse. part of civilization's curse is increasingly dystopian human societies, societies dominated by a small number of elites who view the masses with disdain, as farmers view livestock. a useful commodity to be controlled and exploited, whose lives have little or no intrinsic value and are thus expendable, and who either don't know or somehow don't care about ecocide or nthe.

i've learned that sheeple have become appallingly dumbed down and indoctrinated, to the point that it's now perfectly normal, accepted, respected, even encouraged to be foolishly dogmatic, to believe ridiculous and repugnant things (as per some dogmas), to not think critically or even very rationally, to be easily misled and grossly misinformed and misopinionated, bigoted, and to embrace cruel puritanical 'morality' such as that promoted by many 'conservative' religious sects, including very popular ones like the roman catholic church.

while some of the best things like sex are demonized and criminalized by governments drunk on power and callously abusive with it, horrible things like war and often the lies which are concocted to justify 'preemptive' war, are glorified and culturally enshrined (i think that america's romance with it's military veterans is a cagey way to influence the masses to be patriotic and to blindly swallow it's propaganda).

besides the sheer stupidity/irrationality of our dystopian society/species, or a part of it, is a lack of healthy curiosity and skepticism of 'authority'. in my experience, sheeple shy away from disillusionment and the knowledge that leads to it. they prefer the blue pill (anxiety obliterating ignorance) over the red pill (unwieldy, burdensome, permanent knowledge).

knowledge which arguably is worthless. i suppose it's only value is one can act appropriately to minimize future shock and suffering. knowing that our fool's paradise is nearing it's entirely predictable and tragic end, one can opt out of reproducing, limit one's consumption and do other things to at least make some small improvement in someone's life besides your own. one may prep in hope of surviving longer than those who will be stunned and unprepared for teotwawki. one may even find some meaning and derive some satisfaction in doing so.

i'm reasonably certain that nothing can or will be done to avoid or significantly soften the blow of teotwawki upon the masses. only then will we learn the bitter truth: that homo sapiens are little if any different from 'lower' species regarding ecological (population) overshoot and subsequent collapse. i've rather blithely accepted this, just as we all must accept mortality.

the hard part is accepting and dealing with the knowledge that sheeple generally are hopelessly irrational or stupid, and worse prone to violence and cruelty, to demonizing and persecuting, torture and murder, much like nazis and fascists the world over, behind facades of 'humanity'.

the hardest part is knowing all this and being impotent to change any of it, at least not substantially, and feeling somewhat justly ashamed for not even trying to 'save the planet' and ourselves, like climate activists, young and old are doing, as in extinction rebellion.

maybe the hardest part is social alienation and isolation.

perhaps i can only relate well now with those who roughly share my d n d views. those who well perceive the current and coming nightmare and who like me have more or less accepted fate and our essential impotence, but also like me can't just let it go and forget about it. those who wish to talk about it and to try to spread awareness, get reluctant sheeple to take and swallow the bitter red pill.

it seems the right, the 'moral' thing to do. better than doing nothing.

being disillusioned severely complicates relationships formed prior to becoming disillusioned, as is the case with long standing relatives and friends. it's a way of radically growing apart. it's happened to me, and i'm struggling with it. part of me wants to end these relationships, while another part can't let go.

perhaps the hardest part is being unable to find or connect with anyone who meets this prerequisite, and is otherwise compatible. if i am to more or less sever old relationships, including close relatives, i must first find at least one other sherson who can sympathize, relate, and be able to provide support and guidance. someone who in the process would effectively compensate somewhat for those losses. someone who could effectively become part of a new family with me.

i've been looking for such a one for many years now, with no success. in this case hope still springs, but the more brutally rational side of me knows it's little warranted. it seems to be my peculiar fate to have to face the present and the future essentially alone.

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long?

https://www.google.com/search?q=doctor%2C+my+eyes&rlz=1C1CHKW_enUS486US743&oq=doctor%2C+my+eyes&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

A Transcendent And Emotional Moment

u may have read about singer tony bennett's ordeal with alzheimer's disease in aarp magazine. according to this recently published article, at age 95 the disease is quite advanced and disabling. he's effectively lost his mind. but amazingly, he's still able to sing and perform songs he knows well on stage to an audience. his talent hasn't left him.

i just watched what has been billed as his farewell performance on network tv, cbs, with co-star lady gaga. knowing his story, i became emotional watching them, especially him, and the audience's appreciation and his ability to still appreciate being so appreciated. lady gaga, a prodigious talent herself, lent a lot of class to the show, helping to highlight tony and his still impressive voice and stage persona. it's sad knowing how fleeting life is.

https://www.google.com/search?q=tony+bennett+aarp&rlz=1C1CHKW_enUS486US743&oq=tony+bennett+aarp&aqs=chrome..69i57.4874j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

on a less uplifting note, it's holiday time again. time once more for big media in america, including the highly respected pbs, to promote religious (primarily christian) propaganda, like the 'documentaries' it's FRONTLINE program is airing tonight that attempt to lend creedence to the evidence free idea that jesus christ actually lived, that the christian gospels are at least somewhat historical, rather than completely made up bs.

https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/did-jesus-exist/

https://www.google.com/search?q=pbs+frontline+jesus+to+christ&rlz=1C1CHKW_enUS486US743&oq=pbs+frontline+jesus&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l2.10037j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Pathetic!

president biden has refused to raise taxes on fossil fuels. on top of that, now he's going to temporarily bring down gasoline prices by flooding the market with oil reserves. if i heard correctly, this action is in conjunction with some other nations, including china, whose leaders are concerned about the political implications of higher fuel prices and sluggish economies.

this demonstrates for the umpteenth time that world leaders only pay lip service to addressing the root cause of catastrophic climate change: fossil fuel consumption and it's attendant economic development, including deforestation and industrial agriculture. and that's in the case when they even acknowledge the existence of the problem, as 1/2 of america's corporate political establishment is loathe to do.

whatever happened to the concept of peak oil and peak everything? a couple of decades ago it seems like the problem of our grossly unsustainable consumption culture was talked about more than it is currently. is this progress?! do sheeple in general or world leaders in particular believe that by ignoring them, these problems will simply disappear? it seems so.

i think our species has feces for brains. we're just pathetic! and doomed. dystopian and doomed.

Veterans Day

'war is hell. there ain't 2 ways about it. it takes away your innocence, and u can't get it back.' -a combat veteran

https://www.google.com/search?q=alice+in+chains+rooster&rlz=1C1CHKW_enUS486US743&oq=alice+in+chains+rooster&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.7988j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

A Little Curiosity Leads To A Lot Of Indignation!

pbs documentary about someone going blind from glaucoma mentioned treatments. no mention of using cannabis, smoking it. read robert randall's excellent memoir about the tremendous legal battle he had to engage in to force the u.s. government to concede that he needed to smoke the dreaded reefer madness to avoid going blind. it's a hell of a compelling story, and an infuriating one...

https://www.amazon.com/Marijuana-Rx-Patients-Fight-Medicinal/dp/1560251662

i thought it just a bit curious (but not surprising) that a pbs documentary about glaucoma would ignore the devil weed as a potential treatment, despite ample proof of it's effectiveness, so i decided to do a google search and see what came up. lo and behold, it turns out that all the most prominent 'authorities' and articles and respected medical organizations find reasons to declare that medical cannabis isn't the best choice for glaucoma treatment. somebody's full of shit and i don't wonder who, for long and bitter american experience has taught me that for certain 'controversial' topics, 'authorities' can't be trusted, even today, as the ongoing war on pot is running out of gas, and as more and more sheeple use it and states legalize it.

i quickly perused some of the lead sites that turned up from this google search, then changed it slightly by adding robert randall's name to it. finally, up popped some non-establishment sites that aren't dedicated to bamboozling the public with stale drug war propaganda about the hazards of getting high and various other manufactured 'concerns' over the devil weed's supposed ill effects on health and well being for chronic users (i've been smoking a very moderate one time daily dose of cannabis for over 20 years to treat depression and insomnia with no apparent ill effects)...

which led me to this little snippet of infinitely appalling american (in)'justice' related to race, incarceration, pot prohibition, and a judge from the bowels of hell (or harvard?) hailing from that bastion of conservative american lunacy known as the state of texas:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyrone_Brown

and this somewhat inspiring website seeking to end the insane and often racist 'war on drugs:

https://www.november.org/razorwire/rzold/25/page4.html

lots of goodies to be gathered from the november coalition.

all this took less than an hour, demonstrating that in spite of the establishment's efforts to rig google searches in favor of establishment lies and propaganda, the truth isn't that hard to find. too bad so few americans care to find it, or to even look for it!

which also goes to show that in america, a little curiosity can lead to a boatload of indignation at what one uncovers. i wonder if that's why so many sheeple shy away from truth seeking. could it be that they're allergic to indignation, or truth itself?

Privileged And Miserable

i'm so lucky to not have to worry about shelter or going hungry or other severe physical hardships which afflict billions of sheeple in this perverse world none of us asked to be born into. lucky to be in apparently good health at my age, no complaints there (it would be nice to be physically young again, but it's also nice to have experience and knowledge that may fortunately come with age). lucky in many other ways. privileged like few beings in this dog eat dog world, and grateful for it.

otoh, i'm miserable. alienated, lonely, disillusioned and disgusted by so much of what i see around me and in america and elsewhere. so much cruelty, corruption, deceit, delusion, smug ignorance, bigotry, a dystopian establishment that's worst of all. vast supranational gazillion dollar conspiracies, coup d'etats poorly disguised as lone nut assassinations, 'terrorist' attacks staged to frame public opinion in favor of war and 'homeland security' (governmental usurpation of power to keep us 'safe', yeah right!), stupid cruel puritanical legal prohibitions, police brutality, prosecutorial and judicial criminality or 'misconduct' with zero accountability that persists and persists because too few are curious enough to learn about it or too callous or perverse to care that in america, there's no such thing as justice in the so-called 'halls of justice'... framed innocent sheeple capitally punished by a system with no regard for justice or human life... republicans and other conservatives, ridiculous and repugnant dogma ridden popular lamestream religions...

and on and on. anyone as old as me who can't see how dystopian and doomed we are is blind. perhaps that's the biggest part of this dystopia: how sheeple generally are blind to it!

no one gives a shit about my blog or what i think. can u relate? along with all of the above? can u relate? can anyone? is there anyone out there? hello?

i could surreally use the solace of having a few sheeple in my life who can relate.

Orwellian Control Of The Media

"You could get a journalist cheaper than a good call girl, for a couple hundred dollars a month." - CIA operative discussing with Philip Graham, editor Washington Post, on the availability and prices of journalists willing to peddle CIA propaganda and cover stories.

The degree to which the Cabal has been able to control the mainstream media is hard to accept for most people. By co-opting high level (senior management, ownership) and low level (reporters, editors) staff at the major media outlets in the United States, the Cabal has been able to exert control over the media that most people find shocking. Some of the largest, most respected media outlets (NY Times, Washington Post, LA Times, Time magazine, etc.) have at times been accessories to the crimes of the Cabal by explicitly disseminating disinformation and covering up for the Cabal.

John Swinton, the former Chief Editorial writer for the New York Times, was one of New York's best loved newspapermen. Called by his peers "The Dean of his Profession", John was asked in 1880 to give a toast before the New York Press Club, and in so doing, made a monumentally important and revealing statement. He is quoted as follows:

"There is no such thing, at this date of the world's history, in America, as an independent press. You know it and I know it. There is not one of you who dares to write your honest opinions, and if you did, you know beforehand that it would never appear in print. I am paid weekly for keeping my honest opinion out of the paper I am connected with. Others of you are paid similar weekly salaries for similar things, and any of you who would be so foolish as to write honest opinions would be out on the streets looking for another job. If I allowed my honest opinions to appear in one issue of my paper, before twenty-four hours my occupation would be gone. The business of the journalists is to destroy the truth; to lie outright; to pervert; to vilify; to fawn at the feet of mammon, and to sell his country and his race for his daily bread. You know it and I know it, and what folly is this toasting an independent press? We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are the jumping jacks, they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities, and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."

Project MOCKINGBIRD has been a very successful CIA project to control the domestic media in the United States. Over the years, the CIA has spent hundreds of millions or billions of dollars in a very successful effort to control the media. Carl Bernstein reported in his 1977 article “The CIA and the media” that over 400 American journalists were on the payroll of the CIA.

https://wikispooks.com/wiki/Document:The_Political_Dominance_of_The_Cabal#Orwellian_control_of_the_media

Blood In The Water / Death And Politics At Attica

if u have any human decency at all, the truth of what took place at attica prison on sep 13, 1971 will greatly enrage, disturb, and disillusion u. unfortunately, it won't set u free.

heather thompson wrote an excellent, lengthy, detailed book on it titled BLOOD IN THE WATER , widely available at public libraries.

an excellent hour long documentary was also made titled DEATH AND POLITICS AT ATTICA. it's shown periodically on the rochester pbs station, wxxi, and i imagine can be viewed on the 'net.

A Revelation

most of the women on chaturbate encourage small tippers like me by posting that 'all tips are appreciated' and often acknowledging them with a little smile or nod, but last night i encountered one who didn't.

a little background: cam models on chaturbate work for tips. my understanding is that they receive 5 cents for every token tipped. tokens cost the tipper 10 cents each, but this is reduced to about 8 cents when purchased 1,000 at a time.

most cam models attract few if any viewers and make little if any money. the more popular ones, generally the most attractive ones, attract quite a few if not hundreds or thousands of viewers, and can make lots of money. i think i recall one tip of 1,000,000 tokens, which would be $50,000! more commonly, the most successful models, say the top 1%, can receive tips totaling in the neighborhood of 1,000 to 10,000 tokens/hr., or $50 to $500/hr. very good money for pretty easy work one can do in the comfort of home, with a little cash outlay for equipment.

like most patrons, i prefer the very attractive ones. not being rich, i'm not a big tipper, but i like to show my appreciation to attractive models with good attitudes who turn me on by tipping them usually somewhere between 10 to 50 tokens, and writing something complimentary like 'great tits!' or 'exquisite beauty!'. i generally tip more to those who for some reason are struggling to attract viewers and make money. i figure the ones making tons of money don't need my little tips.

i came across this one last night who certainly belonged among the top 1% going by her looks. she was extremely pretty and petite, but she only had about 10 viewers. this info. is shown, along with how long the model has been online for the current session, and who have been her top 3 tippersduring that session, along with how much she'd been tipped. she had been online over an hour, and yet the total of her top 3 was less than 50 tokens, indicating she'd made very little in that time, only a couple of bucks perhaps. no doubt this was due to the fact that unlike most models, she wasn't showing a lot. most models go fully nude, many are topless, and a few reserve such things for 'private sessions', which are more expensive and exclusive, only open to those who agree to pay a certain amount of tokens per minute for admission.

she was only showing some bare shoulder and chest along with her face. no leg, cleavage or nipples poking through clothing. i tipped her several small increments totaling about 15 tokens, made a complimentary comment, said i wanted to see more of her, asked her to stand up and back away from the camera so i could see her whole clothed body. she suggested i take her to a private session, which i declined. she declined my request. i left her 'room' to check out some other models as is my wont, and when i retured to her room some time later was shocked to see that i'd been banned from her room.

it's my understanding that chaturbate models can ban anyone from their 'room', making it impossible for them to be viewed by that individual, for any reason, but such action is generally reserved for those who make disruptive or rude remarks or make repeated requests without any tip. it's pretty common to see someone get banned, but had not happened to me before, not by any of the hundreds of models whose 'rooms' i've visited. i've never given anyone any reason to ban me, and i don't think i gave this one any good reason. apparently she was simply miffed that i didn't want to take her private and asked a very little favor of her after tipping her a very little. apparently she doesn't appreciate patrons in her room who aren't willing to spend a lot for the privilege of seeing her. of course, most don't tip at all, just lurk, but by making myself noticeable i was singled out for banning.

i bring all this up because it hurt my feelings a little bit by reminding me of all the rejection i've experienced from more women than i can recall over the past 50+ years, going back to my childhood. this calls for a little background.

i suspect i was primed to expect rejection from girls/women from my mother, who had some severe issues with men and sex which she dumped on me, letting me know repeatedly as a young child that she hated both, found them 'disgusting'. this was exacerbated by being given a rudimentary (rude!) catholic education that emphasized shit like it was a 'sin' to even have 'impure' thoughts. i grew up feeling ashamed, unloved, and fearful of eternal damnation.

i'm not a bad looking guy and i'm smart, but i've almost always struggled socially and felt very anxious when dealing with very attractive girls/women who i wished to be with. consequently, i've experienced a lot of rejection and humiliation at their hands.

even with some prostitutes i've paid a lot of money to, i've been made to feel unattractive, even repulsive. here it must be emphasized however, that i'm referring to relatively well off american women and in one case a german who i met while in the navy overseas.

with relatively poor prostitutes from mexico, i've had much better experiences. one in particular was a revelation to me. i had met her in a bar where she agreed to come back to my nearby hotel room for an hour of sex for $30. she was very attractive and hygienic, in her mid 20s. in the privacy of my room she was very relaxed and comfortable with me. she allowed me to kiss her passionately on the lips. she didn't act like there was anything unpleasant at all about taking off her clothes, spreading her legs, and having me insert my condomed penis in her vagina. she didn't make any faces, didn't try to hurry me. after i climaxed and we got dressed, she was just as nice to me as she'd been before. as a result, i patronized her many more times in the future, as i could easily afford such a wonderful, life affirming treat on a fairly regular basis.

i've since wondered long and often what there is about me that makes me so resistable to american women, and why so many of them act as though to reinforce the very negative stereotype i received from my mother of women as sexually frigid beings. i suspect it's partly due to my lack of confidence with them, and partly due to being relatively 'unsuccessful' while living in an affluent society which is also quite puritanical, especially discouraging to women with sex-positive inclinations.

thus i think/dream of traveling to places like the philippines where guys like me can experience success with very attractive women, which besides being exquisitely pleasurable, is a great boost to self esteem!

here's another compelling testimony of rejecting dogmatic faith in favor of freethought:

https://infidels.org/library/modern/testimonials/bradley.html

Decisions, Decisions

for years i've been thinking about traveling to a poor country with lots of gorgeous young sex workers. it's probably the only way i can have sex with such a desirable partner. in a place that's economically depressed or downright 3rd world poor, the cost of sex as well as the cost of living are affordable to someone like me on a fixed income which is poverty level in america.

i'd surreally love to be someone's sugar daddy. someone who besides being very arousingly beautiful is nice and somewhat compatible as a friend/companion. what i'd surreally love is a serious relationship with someone i could happily live in a long term relationship.

of course age is a complicating factor. i'm old, not as vital, energetic, healthy as i once was. i have nothing to look forward to except getting older, more decrepit, and dying within a few decades at most. maybe much less than that. someone 40 years younger than me would be giving up her own youth to be with me, and be faced with losing me while still somewhat young, but no longer having the bloom of youth radiating, attracting potential mates by the multitudes. quite frankly, without a great deal of core compatibility enriching such a relationship, any young ravishing beauty looking to score a well-to-do gentleman could certainly do better than me. that certainly should be a prime consideration to her, shouldn't it?

i met a fellow veteran today around my age, maybe 5-10 years younger, who told me a bit about his own recent experience in the philippines. he was thinking like me, but he did a lot more than idle thinking. he actually seriously researched the proposition before deciding to take the plunge and go. like me, he's on a fixed income that's unimpressive by american standards.

so he went, stayed 9 months, had a great time. only came back because of the pandemic and rather extreme restrictions that came with it there. like i would, he patronized sex workers, as well as 'regular' women he met who were not averse to dating a relatively rich foreigner.

we became ping pong buddies and exchanged contact info.. he struck me as relatively intelligent, mature, experienced, level headed, independent minded. iow, someone i can relate to better than most. a potential friend.

we spoke at some length (by my guy standards, i'm not much of a talker usually) about women and i asked him several questions. he's thinking about going back there before long, and it's got me thinking about possibly going with him. it would be very advantageous having a friend who could 'show me the ropes' in a foreign setting, help me get settled and know some of the better places to go, as well as ones to avoid.

if nothing else, i could enjoy a good deal of attractive partner sex for a while, something i ought to do soon if i'm ever going to, before i get too old! we only live once.

i wonder how long it would be before the relative novelty of it wore off and i'd become homesick. i expect i would certainly miss a lot about the life i'd be leaving here and i'd be leaving a lot of  'loose ends' which would to be taken care of later.

i'm in a rut, but it's a relatively comfortable rut, secure, soothingly familiar and predictable. i've never been one to thrive or be comfortable with the unknown, being socially handicapped, awkward, somewhat alienated and withdrawn, characteristics that can greatly complicate adjusting to a foreign culture/society.

i actually have a very satisfactory sex life masturbating. i know just how to please myself, and i can do so on my own whim and timetable. i like to draw things out, maximize pleasure prior to climaxing. i don't have to try to please or satisfy or appease any partner. don't have to deal with their moods or interests which don't interest me. don't even have to spend any money.

i'd miss american sports, following favorite teams and individuals, PBS, american libraries, temperate weather with 4 seasons, some old friends. i'm pretty alienated from what close biological family i have remaining, so that's not a big consideration. as my new friend today pointed out, there's advantages to not being tied down by such things.

assuming i continue to get along well with this new friend and he decides to return to the philippines and is more than willing to have me tag along and be shown the ropes, i may be sorely tempted to go. correct that; i will be sorely tempted.

i've always had great difficulty making big important decisions like this. i tend to run very hot and cold, going back and forth on what i think i should do. i tend to endlessly weigh all the pros and cons. like this other consideration: president duterte in the philippines is a major drug warrior asshole. he makes donald trump look good in comparison. i might have to give up my medicinal cannabis consumption there, which could lead to greater depression and insomnia. and if i did continue to smoke, i suppose i'd have to worry about being busted and facing ridiculous and repugnant consequences if i ran afoul of the law. it would certainly worry me.

there are so many other things i'd like to do before i die, like expand my consciousness with drugs. explore free love and communal living. find or develop a dystopian and doomed community/family.

this is what i ultimately seek: a community/family/life of my own choosing. i wish i knew where to begin, how to proceed, to achieve such a lofty goal.