i just composed the following as an email to send to my local political group, but decided not to send it, rather just post it here (where it may never be read by anyone but me):
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
-lyric from radiohead song
i unregistered to vote a few months ago, partly due to disaffection with steubengreens, mostly due to disaffection with american politics and an overwhelming sense that my views are too fringe to matter, that american democracy is a complete farce; that 'the will of the people (sheeple)' doesn't matter, that the only way it is ever in accord with the actions of 'our' government is due to heavy, non-stop propagandizing by said government and the lamestream media, both of whom are obviously under centralized control to serve an 'elite' agenda which can only be said to benefit a few in the short term and absolutely no one in the long term.
when i first enrolled in the party 24 years ago i was hopeful that i had found a political home (and a cultural/social one). i thought my views were more or less in complete sync with the party's '10 key values' (and still do). but over time little disagreements came to the fore which centered around what might be said to be my lack of faith that any good would come from this engagement, as it became increasingly clear that my political despair was at odds with the party's overt optimism that it could/would prevail electorally. then my only reason to continue to associate with it was completely personal (shersonal) as i hoped to develop relationships based on mutual political alienation, commiserative relationships which might naturally lead to satisfying shersonal relationships (misery loves company).
this world (our world?) baffles me politically and elsewise. i still harbor some forlorn hope that this bafflement can be the basis of commiserative relationships. i may be politically impotent but must i be alone too?
in my harsh opinion our situation is akin to that of an individual faced with a diagnosis of terminal disease with no surrealistic hope of survival. our species is hopelessly corrupt and flawed, completely unable or unwilling to come to terms with the fact that our culture is ecocidal and insane and that as a result our own self induced extinction looms on the horizon.
facing such a diagnosis/fate isn't the end of life, so the question remains, how should i (we?) spend it's remainder? i for one wish to do so as free from deceit and delusion as possible, meaning without false hope or 'hopium', not wasting any more precious time pursuing hopeless, fruitless political endeavors like engaging in formal political processes with sheeple who are either lying to themselves or to me regarding all the good things they'll do once elected and in power. surreal political power resides not with the sheeple but with a shadowy elite which operates as a criminal organization outside of all legal consequences. politicians who are elected must either dance to their tune or face erasure, as when jfk was assassinated, or when in the u.k. jeremy corbin was politically assassinated with trumped up claims of being anti-semitic for being a critic of israel (and an advocate of people power and sane public policies).
in conclusion i feel alienated from a green party which is unable or unwilling to face such harsh truths and to pivot away from dogmatic hopium in favor of realistic hope of commiserating with compatible souls to minimize our existential angst and maximize whatever shersonal solace can be derived from such companionship.
