the story of my dystopian and doomed life

 dream this a.m.:   in this sleeping dream i am a young man and i have a very beautiful young girlfriend. This is ideal except for one major problem i'm well aware of and can't deny: i'm smart but i'm still a loser because i'm a social misfit who will never change, never be truly popular or successful. I know this deep in my bones so i decide to break up with my wonderful beautiful girlfriend who is very enamored with me. As i do so i have a very heavy heart, and of course she is a little upset with me, but i know it must be done. Afterwards while i'm a little sad i'm also pleased with myself because i know that by facing this heartache squarely and promptly, i'm saving us both more heartache later, for the breakup is inevitable, and the sooner the better, before we become further invested (in love) in each other. (end of dream)

this is basically the story of my (love) life now (except that i'm no longer young). It's the story of it going back for decades, ever since i've been this aware of myself, my world, and my place in it. It's a shersonal tragedy, but of course it pales with the tragedy that is our dystopian and doomed world. I see the 2 as linked now, for to be successful, i must save our world from it's tragic fate. In doing so i would save myself from my own tragic fate, but neither can be done!