a curious lack of curiosity

it's very late and i'm quite tired; yet i can't sleep, as is generally the case when i've got (a) nagging question(s) on my mind.

i'm a very curious sherson. living in this dogmatic and repressive society hasn't killed or even dampened my desire to acquire knowledge and understanding, especially regarding taboo topics, topics which many sheeple seem to instinctively shy away from. i want to discover hidden truths. i want to understand why many truths are suppressed. i want to especially understand why many sheeple actively or passively suppress certain truths in favor of ignorance, lies, or misunderstandings. basically, i want to understand what makes sheeple tick, particularly those who seem to be so unlike me, seemingly lacking in curiosity about many things, desirous of avoiding knowledge and/or understanding which might upset them. don't they know that while they may run from it, they can't ultimately hide from the truth, and it's consequences?

it's said that the truth shall set u free. generally, that's not the case, i don't think. in fact, very often, rather than setting u free, the truth will perplex, even torment u. a good example is the truth of what industrial civilized humanity is doing to our planet and the life on it. what it's doing in regards to the future prospects of our own species, not in the far future, but in the relatively near term. any intelligent, curious, rational, and open minded individual who has looked deeply into the matter knows our planet, it's ecosphere, and hence humanity itself, is in deep, deep shit, facing not only the collapse of civilization, but the very surreal and horrific prospect of mass extinction. this millennium. this century! already, the 6th great mass extinction of species in earth history is underway, and it's likely just getting started.

no, rather than setting u free, the truth can be like a boulder weighing down on u, demanding that u try to do something to alleviate it. in the instance cited above, the most obvious and pressing action to take involves spreading awareness. and that requires an attempt at a deep dive into the human psyche; specifically the psyche of the masses who shrink from or run away from it. those sheeple who exhibit a very curious lack of curiosity about this very curious world into which we've all been involuntarily born into.

when i was a very young boy i remember one time i asked my parents what the meaning of a particular 'naughty' word was. i don't recall for sure what that word was, i think it was the infamous 'f' word, and of course at the time i didn't know it was 'naughty', and i certainly didn't know that the response i would receive would be so shrill and harsh, bordering on the hysterical. it was clearly meant to terrorize me so that i would never ask it again. and of course it failed to answer what was in fact a very simple, straightforward, and innocent question.

that's another thing i'm intensely curious about. my parents are dead now, but even if they were alive i doubt they could or maybe even would try to give me an adequate answer to my follow-up question, coming from my current perspective as an adult: what made them that way? what made them, in fact what makes so very, very many 'authority' figures in our society so irrational, so dogmatically and impulsively desirous of crushing a child's (or an adult's) curiosity, imparting a lesson that 'authority' figures aren't to be trusted, or confided in, lest one should suddenly and unexpectedly face shrill condemnation and perhaps punishment? surreally, what makes sheeple behave so strangely, i would say so destructively? i'm dying to know. i'm dying to understand, so that i might be able to empathize, and hopefully find a way to change them. i'd love to live in a world in which no one is ever chastised or punished for something so fundamentally and innocently human as seeking knowledge, or sharing it. in fact, i'd give my life to live in such a world, but if i give my life, then i'd no longer be living, which sort of defeats the purpose. i digress.

the fact is we live in a world, a society in which many secrets are kept, especially by those in 'authority', those with the power to impart, or withhold knowledge. as another old saying goes, knowledge is power, and i guess a lot of sheeple don't want to share it. no doubt in many instances power is perceived as being dependent upon the keeping of secrets, the perpetuation of lies, or ignorance, or misunderstanding. but i think in many other cases it's probably simply a matter of social conditioning, of being taught to be incurious by those who had power over u, and passing along this repressive incuriosity to those u have power over, as so many parents do to their children, like my parents did to me, and perhaps yours did to u.

this brings us back to the problem of our species facing the rather imminent collapse of civilization, and then possibly (likely?!) near term extinction. it seems there's very little awareness of this threat because, well, for one, a lot of sheeple just aren't smart enough to grasp it's scientific basis, but perhaps the greater problem, the one i've often experienced, is that sheeple who probably are smart enough to understand don't want to! they don't want to know! maybe it makes them too uncomfortable. maybe they've internalized too deeply the sick message one so often receives from 'authority' figures that there are some things one is better off not knowing!

i've spent countless hours and days over the past 30 or so years trying to find out all i can about the world i live in, and the predicament we humans have created for ourselves by being dogmatic, irrational, ignorant, deceitful, delusional, and in just plain denial. so much so that at this point, only one pertinent question remains: how can i, how can we as a species collectively overcome our history of suppression. it's also said that curiosity killed the cat. well, nothing could be clearer to me now that it's a lack of curiosity, and rationality, that's destroying our world and us.

i'm pretty much all out of hope for solving this dilemma, but there's one thing that might just possibly offer a glimmer of it. certain drugs, psychedelics, and another extremely demonized, misunderstood, and criminalized drug, MDMA, more popularly known by it's street name 'ecstasy', have shown great promise, according to many testimonials, of opening closed minds and overcoming seemingly overwhelming lack of empathy. i've read that it showed great promise as a therapeutic tool (MDMA, and various psychedelics), before they became caught up in the hysterical, irrational, and repressive 'war on drugs' and their use driven underground.

the 'war on drugs' is another phenomenon i've done a lot of research on. of course there's a lot of just plain madness behind it, but there's also a lot of ulterior motives, things like creating a very lucrative black market, and then controlling much of it and profiting greatly from it, as the CIA and many of it's cronies in the underworld of organized crime have done. i've come to suspect also that another ulterior motive, perhaps the biggest one of them all, has to do with class warfare.

in our society, 'class warfare' is most often mentioned in conjunction with ideologies of the left, like communism and socialism, with the idea being that the impoverished masses are trying to unfairly gang up on the poor, oppressed, embattled, wealthy elites at the top of society when something like 'tax the rich' is brought up. what's almost never mentioned (in fact, i've never come across it before, so i could possibly be the first to do so here) is that in our hierarchical, pyramid shaped, class-based society, those poor, embattled elites, the less than 1% who control 90% of all the wealth (and political power), are constantly conspiring to maintain a status quo of immense inequality and injustice, they are, in fact, waging class warfare on us! and one of the ways they do this is by making sure we remain ignorant, divided, and powerless. anything which threatens (or promises, depending upon one's p.o.v.) to enable us to become empowered with knowledge, and empathy, and thus to upset the status quo and create a far more equal, and just society... well, perhaps that's something the powers that be are dead set against!

anyway, many years ago when i was researching all this i came across this wonderful website filled with what i presume to be accurate info and honest testimonials regarding 'ecstasy'. it was so long ago i was afraid it might no longer exist. alas, thankfully, it still does. i hope u'll check it out and become enthused, as i have become, at the hope it offers to our oh so troubled and dying world. i very very very much doubt it, or anything else, can save us at this late date, but as i said it provides at least a glimmer of possibility. even if it doesn't 'save the world', it just might save us, or at least me, to some extent, from continuing to live lives of abject ignorance and despair.

i'm a very asocial sherson, alienated, probably neurotic, repressed; iow, socially impaired. as a result, i have virtually no friends or social contacts from whom i might obtain a reliable, safe source of something like MDMA for therapeutic use from the black market. believe me, if this weren't the case, i would have tried it long ago! in particular it's been a long held dream of mine to use it together with another(s) who sees the world much differently, someone who i would perceive as dogmatic and among the masses of the curiously incurious, so that i might better understand their p.o.v., and vice versa. i'm hoping against hope that that just might be the key to a better world, and to beginning to solve the overwhelming problems i and we now face. i'm hoping by reaching out to all of u in this manner that someone, somewhere, will hear and heed this cry for help, and provide a satisfactory answer to it.

so here's the link to that ecstasy website mentioned above. specifically to one of the longer and more promising testimonials as to how the use of this drug can change lives, and hopefully this world, for the better. i hope u'll read it. by clicking on any of the headings at the center of the top of the page, u can access other testimonials and relevant info.. may good fortune be with u, and i!

here's link to webpage about the remarkable man responsible for ecstasy.org, nicholas saunders. after reading it, there's more links at the bottom. if u click on the 'memorial site' one, it'll take u to another page which has more links on the far left side, including 'obituaries' at the bottom. click on that to learn more about him. he led a very interesting life as a champion of alternative living in london, england.

http://ecstasy.org/nicholas.html

link to one of saunders books, engaging and educational. radical truth, not establishment bullshit!

http://ecstasy.org/books/e4x/

here's one of the better testimonials of an incredible MDMA experience. if u read it u'll come across the question 'why can't it (life) always be like this?' good question. short answer: because our 'authorities', society's grand poobahs, are intent on ruining or destroying everything they can't control, especially anything that could threaten their control. mind expanding drugs do just that!

http://ecstasy.org/experiences/trip58.html