comfortably numb

the title of this pink floyd song describes what my life has become, as i've now long been aware that our world is dystopian and doomed, and that the only theoretical salvation from this unsavory fate lies in taking on the seemingly quixotic and hopeless task of confronting america's (and presumably the world's) greatest flaw: the hegemony or dominance of dogmatism in our lives. this dogmatism is of course rooted in our dominant religion(s), in which older generations indoctrinate their youth, as they themselves were indoctrinated, to have 'faith' in utter nonsense.

perhaps if this seemingly impossible task is accomplished successfully, so that sheeple en masse relinquish 'faith' in favor of seeing surreality through the lens of sober science, we will finally come to grips with the fact that our current culture is insane, destroying the ecosphere upon which our lives and the lives of future generations must depend upon for survival.

in trying to do this and failing, i've given it much thought and surrealized that it can't be done without profoundly disrupting the existing social order, which is to say just about everyone's life, and that this disruption must begin with me.

naturally i've been exceedingly reluctant to commit to such a radical change, because while my life may be unfulfilling, at least it's comfortable and affords the illusion (usually) that all is well for the time being. but that may be about to change a week from now if things go according to plan, as i will ingest the psychedelic drug psilocybin, which could shake me out of this unhappy comfort zone and force me to confront what i've long been avoiding.

i wish the lyrics of the song were more applicable to this predicament, but with a little creativity i can try to make them so, in that the fleeting glimpse i caught out of the corner of my eye when i was yet a child was of a harmonious sensible sustainable (or durable) world that might yet exist, if only we can make it so.

When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FrOQC-zEog