going back to childhood i've had an acute sense of social alienation and isolation which has probably been centered around awareness that the society/culture i was born into is pathologically erotically repressed and in complete denial about it. or, worse yet, completely ok with it, as seems to be the case particularly with religious 'conservatives'.
this has been brought home to me most forcefully this past year, when it came to light to the leader of my local progressive political group (green party) that nearly 2 decades ago i tried and failed to seduce the teenage daughter (28 years my junior) of a woman who was very active in the group (as was i) and with whom i was on very friendly terms. i did this behind her back shortly after her beautiful daughter graduated from high school (still 17 years old and thus considered a 'minor', or child, in the eyes of the law, which i didn't know, assuming she was probably 18 and thus 'legal'). this attempt was clumsy, but there wasn't anything hostile about it, nor did it engender any hostility at the time. only years later, after a chance encounter over the telephone between us that i didn't handle well (i wasn't hostile, just very distant and dismissive, feeling forlorn and rejected), did she come to see my behavior as problematic and decided to bring it up when she was invited to one of our annual picnics and declined the invitation, citing her fear that i might once again 'sexually harass' her, and revealing what had transpired between us (or not transpired) so many years ago.
this leader, also a woman but considerably older, had developed her own somewhat negative perception of me based upon my interest in discussing sexual matters with her pertaining to my sexual frustration and perception that society was horribly repressed and that this repression is especially directed at youth and 'adults' like myself who are particularly attracted to 'minors' or teenagers. this drove a bit of a wedge between us which widened when this past 'indiscretion' on my part came to light, leading to a semi public confrontation between us resulting in a new code of conduct being developed for our group which explicitly forbids sexual harassment.up until this point my association with the green party had been somewhat of a source of relief from my sense of nearly complete alienation and isolation from my own species, thanks to our shared politically progressive views and values. however, this incident has more or less ruined the sense that this was a group with whom i could identify with as an insider. now it seems that with them, as with the rest of society, i must be an outsider.i write this in the hope that eventually someone somewhere will read it, identify with it and connect with me as a result, but this hope may well be forlorn, since my past attempts to gain a following (mostly by reaching out to local greens) have utterly failed. it seems none of the them can well identify with my pov in this matter, leading me to wonder just how many of the several billion sheeple in today's world can, and how can i reach them?this brings to mind a famous science fiction book i partially read years ago titled STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND. science fiction is a genre of literature well suited for the exploration and fleshing out of ideas which are considered strange or perhaps heretical by mainstream culture, and this is the case here, as STRANGER deals extensively with the concept of 'free love' and the bizarre manner in which modern civilized humans have demonized and suppressed sexuality. thus it's become a bit of a reference point for sex radicals like myself, and i identify strongly with the idea that as a very 'sex positive' individual in a very sex negative society/culture, i am indeed a stranger in a strange (and hostile) land.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stranger_in_a_Strange_Land
No comments:
Post a Comment