do u believe in miracles?

 for many years i've disbelieved in free will. It was obvious that everything we did, everything we thought, everything that happened to us, was the result of our genes and our environment, going back to our conception, to our universe's conception. none of which we have ever had or ever will have control over. But lately, perhaps out of desperation ,i've been entertaining the idea of miracles, of events which are or seem to be beyond the bounds of nature, or supernatural.  a manifestation of god.

i'm much more into science than theology. i suppose in a way i'm no different from faith based religion in that i must take on faith many scientific claims, often because i'm not smart enough to understand their derivation, for example einstein's theories of relativity and of a space time vortex warped by gravity.

some scientific claims are pretty mind blowing, like the big bang theory of how our universe came to be. Before the big bang, there was no time and no space. Everything was compressed into nothing, so all that existed was nothing. Then suddenly there was something, the big bang, the beginning of time and space. It's all very counter intuitive, all very mysterious. Maybe it was a miracle. or maybe it was a black hole that became too massive.

anyway, i've also thought or felt for a long time that our world is fucked, and that if it exists god is responsible, (and must be a dickhead). There's no way to fix what needs to be fixed, especially in the very short time remaining before our species makes itself extinct by making earth uninhabitable for us.

i'm also plagued by loneliness and a great alienation from society and culture. and, apparently, inability to acquire very close friends, trusted colleagues, (surprised i spelled that word right), and compatible mate(s) / lover(s). It seems i'm a misfit everywhere, with whomever i'm with. It's been so pretty much my whole life. Will it ever change?

if a miracle happened once, perhaps there are more to come. I certainly hope so, for it seems that is what it will take to salvage our world, and my social life.