dream this a.m.: i'm somewhere, i think a library. i see not one, not 2, but 3 young women, all pretty and petite, small perky breasts just the way i like them. we're all together in a close space, in the entrance vestibule, as one of them is sweeping the floor, another leaving, one goes to hold a door open for the other 2, as i do the same with the other door, and also to get closer to them. i want desperately to say something, break the ice, let them know with more than my eyes that i'm very interested in and attracted to them, but just as in surreal life, i can't think of anything other than the truth, which i know is just too blunt and unacceptable in this dystopian, puritanical, repressed world, so the moment passes.
i wake up, get up, as it's time to shut all the windows and doors in my house as the summer morning quickly heats up, gotta keep that heat out, keep it as cool as possible in this early summer heat wave. also gotta pee. then, with the dream still fresh in my mind, i sit down to write this, and share my thoughts on the matter, even if no one cares or is sympathetic.
here i am in my 60s, still dreaming about and lusting for scandalously young women, still feeling oh so frustrated by an inability to successfully approach them and try to spark up a relationship. the only difference is as i've gotten older i've come to surrealize just how repressive and stupid attitudes towards sex and libido are in this dystopian culture, to understand how time is running out on me, my libido, my life, and how i'm increasingly likely to die having never fully lived, or having lived all my life with this ever-present, nagging, frustrated desire, at first, confused and ashamed, later increasingly resentful and angry over how things are. do they have to be this way? hell no, i learned that in those moments, especially in the relative freedom of mexican bars and in it's 'red zones' where prostitution is 'tolerated', where there's loads of women seeking attention (and of course, dinero) from men, where shy and repressed men like me can cut the bullshit, be direct, and get what we want, if we have the dinero. nothing like it in the u.s., except i suppose in some (of the mostly bigger) cities where if one is flush with cash, one can pay an exorbitant price for the pleasure of an expensive escort's companionship, or make an arrangement to be someone's 'sugar daddy', as i wish i could do...
i wonder how much time i have left, before this avenue of ultimate pleasure and fleeting satisfaction is no longer available to me. a decade perhaps, maybe 2, certainly not much more than that. i do the best i can to comfort myself with the knowledge that this world is dystopian to all, and some have or have had it much worse, for example slaves. imagine having been or being a slave, constantly yearning to be free, knowing in one's heart that one's subjugation is unjust... the world is unjust, the sheeple in it largely stupid, the laws and attitudes we live by both stupid and unjust... and yet, conservative christians love to argue that we have 'free will'. how fucking full of shit can they possibly be? completely, it seems.
Woke folk are winning.
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